We are one week from leaving for Lithuania and we still don’t have a place to live. But I keep humming the Christmas carol, “No crib for a bed…” Even the Son of God on His advent to earth didn’t have a place to live. That strikes me as so strange. It wasn’t like God didn’t know He was sending Jesus to earth during a census. That’s so odd to me. Is there a lesson in that? Probably.

I’m still struggling with certain aspects of leaving the U.S. We kept our grandsons for several days last week and I found myself crying at every funny phrase, every hysterical expression, every tender moment. How can we leave such precious ones behind? Will they forget us?

I found myself saying a bad word on Monday when I dropped something on the floor. What a mouth I have! And yet I want to use this same mouth to proclaim the Good News of Jesus to the lost. I’m such a weirdo.

We’re trying to get packed and I am fretting over what to take, what not to take, what we’ll need, what we don’t know we’ll need and over and over in my head like a loop tape I hear the scripture, “…think nothing for what you shall eat or wear for your Heavenly Father knows what you need….”

My heart rehearses wrongs that have been done to me and wrongs that I have done and a darkness starts creeping into my life. Worry takes the place where rejoicing should be. Fatigue takes the place of where rest should be. Sorrow takes the place where joy should be. I begin doubting myself and what I am doing; who I am and where I am going. And it all makes me wonder why on earth I ever thought I could be a missionary! What on earth do I have to offer anyone? And the honest answer is: nothing—in and of myself.

And then I remember…missions isn’t about me. It isn’t about who I am or what I can or cannot do. Missions is about Jesus and His grace working through my life. His truth overcoming my doubt and fear. It’s never been about me. It should always be about Him and His power working in me and through me. The Bible is full of imperfect men and women being used by a perfect God to fulfill His will here on earth. And so I fall toward the cross and I ask once again, maybe for the 10, 950th time, for forgiveness and for the blood of Jesus to wash me clean. I ask once again to be filled with the Holy Spirit and to be filled with the love of God. I ask for grace.

Missions isn’t about me feeling good; it isn’t even about me fulfilling some plan of God for my life. Missions is about obedience to Scripture to take the love of Jesus to a hurt and dying world. It is about me asking God to love my city of Vilnius through me; praying over the little country of Lithuania. It is about me asking God to touch my students’ lives, doing the best job for them I know how to do and trusting God to do everything else. It’s not about me having a place to live, the right clothes to wear, whether or not my hair looks good, my weight is right, or even if I’m happy. Missions is allowing God to use us, simple jars of clay, to show forth His glory; to be His hands and His feet and to allow the mysterious transubstantiation of Christ living in us–Christ the only hope for humankind.

And so we go, even without a place to live. We ask that you pray for us to be found faithful. We leave Wednesday, August 17th. We go in our weaknesses, crying out to our Heavenly Father to show Himself mighty because when we are weak, then He is strong.

Thank you for all your love, support, gifts, prayers and kind emails. I’ll keep you posted on what’s happening. In the meantime, we rejoice because we know our Redeemer lives! Peace.